Needles and ART and feeling alone

We (my husband and I) have spent large sums of money attempting to have a baby. IUI, IVF w/ ICSI and Assisted Hatching, many vials of Follistim and HCG and Lupron and Clomid and progestrone in oil and progrestrone suppositories. I have several large plastic bags in my bathroom closet emblazoned with the ‘IVP Care’ logo, full of alcohol wipes, needle packages and boxes of have half-empty medicine. I also have a sharps container that holds the needle waste created by the IUI and IVF cycles. In my day to day world I don’t know anyone who has ever dealt with this mess of infertility treatments. All of the people in my world have had children the ‘old-fashioned’ way and have never in their wildest dreams considered the possibility of having to have their eggs/sperm harvested from their bodies and mixed together by embryologists in a fertility lab. Most of my friends and family have tried to be very supportive and sent prayers and good wishes to me but they don’t understand the reality of actually going through a cycle. The pain of a multiple negative pregnancy tests, sobbing in the bathroom at work because you got the phonecall, the heartbreak of realizing you may never have your own biological child. People try to be really helpful and say “have you thought about adoption?” And while it’s absolutely an option, we’re not in the place where it is our option yet. I don’t think they understand the grieving that one has to go through sometimes when dealing with IF failure. It makes me feel very alone in the world.

I read blogs of other women who are going through or have gone through the kinds of things I have – some with success and some without. I was looking at a blog earlier and found a link to this YouTube video about PIO injections. It struck me because it made me see, physically see, another woman dealing with what I’ve dealt with. I do feel alone because everyone I ‘know’ with IF is online but this video made them a little more real for me. I ‘know’ there are other couples all over the place having the same doctor’s appointments and ultrasounds and injections I am. There are other women crying in the bathroom on their lunch breaks and trying to keep their mascara from smudging so everyone doesn’t ask “what’s wrong?”

I keep thinking it’ll get easier, but it hasn’t yet. November will mark 4 years since our first RE visit and still no pregnancy. We have another RE appointment next week to go back and discuss doing more IUI’s, possibly with donor sperm. I can’t help but feel pessimistic about it though. More hemorrhaging of money, more 7:30AM ultrasounds and blood draws, more hormones and more disappointment. Oddly enough Doug is more optimistic than I am. Usually it’s the opposite, I’m the cheerleader and he’s the emo kid. I guess we’ll see who’s right and who isn’t.

Garden - Week 8

Most everything in the garden is growing like crazy. The squash just keeps getting bigger and bigger and some of them are getting ready to bloom. Over the weekend I pulled out the dead peas and replaced them with some watermelon plants I transplanted from one of the other beds as well as marigolds to help with pest control and a few peanut plants we found at Dan West over the weekend.

The bed that holds the butternut squash, the summer squash, cantaloupe and watermelon was getting crowded so I relocated some of the squash to the bed with zucchini, cucumber and carrots. I'm still having slug and whitefly issues. I bought some 'Sluggo' slug treatment over the weekend and spread it around on Sunday, it's safe for all other animals/wildlife, just not slugs. Yesterday morning I went out there and found little slug bodies in my beds so I guess it worked. I used insecticidal soap to treat the whiteflies but it barely made a dent in them. Those little bastards are hard to kill. They are the worst too, I hate them with the passion of a thousand fiery suns. I've also notice what appears to be aphids on my tomatoes so that's something else I need to deal with. I'll have to consult my last issue of 'Organic Gardening' to see if I can find a natural solution.

Monday

Monday and Tuesday I was off for Shavuot, one of the many perks of working for a synagogue - Jewish holidays and national holidays. I wanted to spend some time with my niece B because she'll be starting kindergarten in August and I won't be able to spend the days I'm off with her like I have in the past. I asked her what she wanted to do and she wasn't so I suggested the movies. We went to see Kung Fu Panda, which was not terrible. It was cute for a kids movie. Ian McShane was the voice of the 'bad guy', which was interesting because Doug's been watching seasons 1 and 2 of Deadwood the past few weeks so it was odd to hear Ian McShane's voice without hearing 'f*ck' or 'c*nt'. David Cross also did a voice, I heart him. Doug turned me on to his comedy, he's awesome. I took my knitting to the movies because I've been working on the really boring stockinette hell portion of my Green Gable sweater so it didn't require me to pay attention. B fell asleep towards the end of the movie so I had to carry her out, she's almost as long as I am tall now and it's a lot harder to carry her now than it was when she was a baby.

She also really likes puzzles and I took her to Michael's to pick out a new one. She of course picked out a Hannah Montana puzzle (gag). But I will buy her nearly anything so I got it for her and spent the remainder of the afternoon alternating between helping put together a glittery puzzle of Miley Cyrus and watching Disney and Nickelodeon. We also made cookies, I let her hold the mixer and scoop out the dough so she was really happy. I can't believe she's as old as she is. It seems like just yesterday that she was so tiny I gave her a bath in the bathroom sink.

Tuesdays with Dorie: La Palette's Strawberry Tart

This week's selection for TWD came from Marie of A Year in Oak Cottage. I love strawberries and this tart looked delicious and not too involved. However, my first problem was trying to find a tart pan with a removable bottom. I looked at Target even though I knew they probably wouldn't have such a thing and of course they didn't. But I also went to Williams & Sonoma thinking surely they would have one - they did not. I found one on their website but not in the store. So I though about either making the crust in the springform pan or in the tart pan/plate I already have that had no removable parts. I decided to go with the tart pan.

The crust was fairly simple to make. My food processor is small though and was not big enough to mix the crust in, so I used my big blender, it has a lot of different settings on it so I though that was the next best thing. It did okay, the big problem I had was that the butter got stuck in the 'well' of the blender bottom. So I still ended up having to take the crust mix out and mixing it together by hand, which makes me believe I mixed it too much. It tastes great, it's just very crumbly and did not hold its shape when I tried to spread the jam on it.

I didn't have any of the suggest liquors for mixing in with the berries but I did have some Triple Sec so I threw in a little bit of that as well as a little sugar. I used some homemade strawberry jam I bought at the herb festival I went to a few weeks ago, it was very good. In the book Dorie suggest using creme fraiche on top of the tart but I already had some heavy cream on hand so I made whipped cream. All in all it was a tasty dessert, my presentation was lacking and my pictures aren't stellar but the tart was another winner.

Next week's selection will be the Peppermint Cream Puff Ring, chosen by Caroline of A Consuming Passion.

Tuesdays with Dorie: French Chocolate Brownies

This week’s selection was from Di of Di’s Kitchen Notebook. When I saw the selection posted I went home to look up the recipe immediately. Everything looked good except the raisins. I love chocolate covered raisins but the thought of raisins in brownies wasn’t exciting me. Add that to the fact that I knew I’d be making these for guests who would probably not dig the addition of rum raisins and I decided to skip the raisins and the cinnamon. At some point I’ll probably make them again with the raisins just because I want to try flambé.

I used Ghirardelli 60% Caco Bittersweet Chocolate. I almost always use Ghirardelli for my baking needs because it’s not super spendy and I can chop it easily. It melted so nicely in my metal bowl and when I added the butter the smell of the chocolate and butter made me want to just dig in with a spoon. It was a fairly simple process to make them. Not too many steps and it all came together pretty quickly. I was using my 8” Pyrex square for something else so I used a 9” inch cake round to bake in. I thought that would be okay since in the recipe Dorie explains that the recipe was intended to be a cake at first. I baked them for about 5 minutes shy of the recommended time and they came out perfectly - with a crackled top. And the buttered foil helped them slide out very easily.

Since I had omitted the raisins I wanted to add something special to them on the side so I made homemade whipped cream (just heavy cream and super fine sugar) and raspberry coulis (raspberries, lemon juice, super fine sugar and a pinch of salt). The brownies alone were delicious, they were really light, not heavy the way some brownies can be. With the whipped cream and the coulis they were still great. Another thumbs up from my husband and from our dinner guests. A great recipe!

Next week it’s on to La Palette’s Strawberry Tart from Marie of A Year in Oak Cottage. I’ll be hitting the Memphis Farmer’s Market this Saturday for the strawberries.

***
French Chocolate Brownies
- makes 16 brownies -Adapted from Baking From My Home to Yours.

Ingredients
1/2 cup all-purpose flour1/8 teaspoon salt1/8 teaspoon cinnamon (optional)1/3 cup raisins, dark or golden1 1/2 tablespoons water1 1/2 tablespoons dark rum6 ounces bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped1 1/2 sticks (12 tablespoons; 6 ounces) unsalted butter, at room temperature and cut into 12 pieces3 large eggs, at room temperature1 cup sugar

Getting ready: Center a rack in the oven and preheat the oven to 300°F. Line an 8-inch square baking pan with foil, butter the foil, place the pan on a baking sheet, and set aside.
Whisk together the flour, salt and cinnamon, if you're using it.

Put the raisins in a small saucepan with the water, bring to a boil over medium heat and cook until the water almost evaporates. Add the rum, let it warm for about 30 seconds, turn off the heat, stand back and ignite the rum. Allow the flames to die down, and set the raisins aside until needed.

Put the chocolate in a heatproof bowl and set the bowl over a saucepan of simmering water. Slowly and gently melt the chocolate, stirring occasionally. Remove the bowl from the saucepan and add the butter, stirring so that it melts. It's important that the chocolate and butter not get very hot. However, if the butter is not melting, you can put the bowl back over the still-hot water for a minute. If you've got a couple of little bits of unmelted butter, leave them—it's better to have a few bits than to overheat the whole. Set the chocolate aside for the moment.

Working with a stand mixer with the whisk attachment, or with a hand mixer in a large bowl, beat the eggs and sugar until they are thick and pale, about 2 minutes. Lower the mixer speed and pour in the chocolate-butter, mixing only until it is incorporated—you'll have a thick, creamy batter. Add the dry ingredients and mix at low speed for about 30 seconds—the dry ingredients won't be completely incorporated and that's fine. Finish folding in the dry ingredients by hand with a rubber spatula, then fold in the raisins along with any liquid remaining in the pan.

Scrape the batter into the pan and bake 50 to 60 minutes, or until the top is dry and crackled and a knife inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean. Transfer the pan to a rack and allow the brownies to cool to warm or room temperature.

Carefully lift the brownies out of the pan, using the foil edges as handles, and transfer to a cutting board. With a long-bladed knife, cut the brownies into 16 squares, each roughly 2 inches on a side, taking care not to cut through the foil.

Serving: The brownies are good just warm or at room temperature; they're even fine cold. I like these with a little something on top or alongside—good go-alongs are whipped crème fraiche or whipped cream, ice cream or chocolate sauce or even all three!

Storing: Wrapped well, these can be kept at room temperature for up to 3 days or frozen for up to 2 months.

Yarn Over Eureka

I started working on a new sweater as soon as I finished my first one in April. It's the Green Gable from Zephyr Style, the same girls who designed the Juliet sweater I made. In February when Yarniverse had their 40% off sale I bought enough Brown Sheep Cotton Fleece to make the Green Gable sweater and the Rusted Root sweater. I picked out Peridot, a pale green for my Green Gable and buttercream, a soft yellow for the Rusted Root. When I made the Juliet sweater I knew something was slightly off with my stitches I had too many. I could never figure it out but it turned okay and the blocking helped and probably I'm the only person that notices its imperfections.

Green Gable - WRONG

For Mother's Day I made my mom a reusable grocery bag out of Hempathy, a hemp yarn. (It's actually not quite finished because I still need to make and sew on the handle. Whoops.) The bag is an open lace pattern made with yarn overs. Again I ended up with extra stitches. It's slightly off too, it doesn't look terrible just not perfectly executed.

I saw a cotton lace/cable shrug on Ravelry I wanted to make too. I started it and again more yarn overs and more stitch problems. I didn't want to go to the yarn stores for help, I wanted to figure it out on my own. I got pretty far into the Green Gable three different times before ripping it out and starting it over again because I couldn't the stitches correct. I knew I had to be doing something incorrect with the yarn overs, there was no other explanation. I looked online at KnittingHelp.com, I looked in my Stitch & Bitch books, I Googled 'yarn over help' nothing. From the video on KnittingHelp.com I knew I was doing my yarn over correctly but I was still ending up with a leftover stitch. Finally I took a piece of paper and wrote out my stitches and tried to figure out where that extra stitch was coming from. After half an hour of being near tears I figured it out. I was making a yarn over and then knitting a stitch. That's wrong, you're supposed to place the yarn in a certain position and then follow your pattern, whether that be knitting a stitch or knitting two together in the case of the Green Gable sweater.

Green Gable - RIGHT (it's the same yarn, the picture above is with a flash, the picture below is sans the flash)

I was still concerned that was the right thing to do but I decided to go ahead and knit a few rounds anyway. Well apparently I was right, that was my problem. I'm almost all the way finished with the lace portion of the sweater and when I compare it to photos of other people's on Ravelry it looks right. So now I'm excited to finish this sweater, the shrug and make another bag for my mom that' has the proper number of stitches and thus the proper lace pattern.

Big sigh of relief. I'm not a complete knitting moron.

How Does My Garden Grow

The vegetable garden is in it's 6th week. The main problems I'm having are slugs and whiteflies. I used beer traps to get rid of some slugs, it was a cheap treatment (thanks to Doug's friend Jeff leaving a 6-pack of Southpaw at our house) but it was pretty nasty cleaning out the dead slugs from the plastic cups. Gag. I treated the whitefly problem with some organic pesticide/fungicide spray but it's rained nearly everyday since I used the spray so I'll probably need to spray again. I hate those little creepy whiteflies, it seems like there are hundreds of them. I've read that marigolds can help get rid of them so I guess I need to get plant some marigolds in the garden.

So far the butternut squash, the watermelon, the cantaloupe and the summer squash seem to be growing the fastest, they're all in the same garden bed. I planted all of those from heirloom seeds that I bought from Seed Savers.

I'm still kind of nervous because I'm afraid my garden won't actually produce anything. But I've got my fingers crossed and I'm trying to be vigilante. Sadly my green peas have caught what I believe is some sort of root fungus. They started out really healthy but in the last few weeks they've wilted and their leaves have dried up.

My two cayenne pepper plants have some baby peppers on them and my tomatoes are starting to bloom too. The cucumbers, carrots and lettuce are still pretty tiny but hopefully they'll start getting bigger since it's gotten so warm in the last week.

Our hydrangeas are also blooming. When we first moved into the house last year the were all cut down to the base of the plant and they never bloomed last year because the morons that lived in our house before us had cut them down so far and hydrangeas bloom on new wood. But this year they are full of big heads and the best part is they're multi-colored. They're blue, pink and lavender. I love them. Growing up my mom had Nikko Blue ones and my grandmother had pink ones so I'm really excited to have multi-colored hydrangeas. Doug thinks that hydrangeas are "old lady plants," I have no idea why. Maybe the blue blooms remind him of blue-haired ladies?

Too.Much.Food.

This past weekend was a holiday weekend so what else did I do with an extra day off? I made more labor intensive dishes. I really, really love chicken salad. You can do almost anything with it. I really like the pre-made Waldorf Chicken Salad at Fresh Market, the crunchy grapes and walnuts add something special. But when you make it at home the possibilities are endless, you could do an Asian style chicken salad with wasabi mayo or a Mediterranean style chicken salad with sun-dried tomatoes and Kalmata olives, nearly anything.

My favorite chicken salad recipe comes from Epicurious.com, it's Chicken Salad with Walnuts & Peaches. I first made it when my best friend and I hosted a bridal shower several years ago. It got rave reviews and I've been making it ever since. Usually Doug is not a fan of something like chicken salad, there are too many 'unknown' ingredients for him. But this past weekend I made some and asked him to try a bite. He did and he actually liked it, so I can add another dish to my lunch/dinner repertoire. The recipe is relatively easy but it does involved the poaching and shredding of chicken breasts, chopping an onion and peeling and cutting up peaches, the end result is worth it though.

Last week, around Wednesday, I bought a huge container of strawberries from the grocery store, mainly because they were on sale and when they're in season I eat strawberries several times a week. Monday afternoon I realized I hadn't eaten those berries yet so I pulled them out of the fridge and inspected them. They were still good but they weren't as sweet as the ones I bought at the Farmer's Market the week before so I went looking for a strawberry cobbler recipe. I didn't have any eggs on hand so I had to find a recipe that didn't call for an egg. I found this one on the Whole Foods website. I made it and it was great, not too sweet and not too soupy. The fruit is held together with a mixture of flour and sugar so it gives it a little more 'body'. I topped the biscuit-y part with raw sugar and butter and it was perfect, even better with a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

Tuesdays with Dorie: Pecan Honey Sticky Buns

This is my first Tuesdays with Dorie recipe, I *just* joined and I am so excited to be part of this bake-a-long. The book is Baking: From My Home to Yours by Dorie Greenspan, it is huge and filled with tons of recipes for baked goods. There are so many fabulous blogs over there with even more fabulous pictures of the finished product. And every week one of the members chooses another recipe from the book for everyone to make, then we post about how we did it, what we thought about the recipe and pictures, all on Tuesdays.

This week's recipe was chosen by Madam Chow of Madam Chow's Kitchen. The sticky buns are made with a brioche dough, which you make first and have to refrigerate overnight. I was a little intimated at first because the recipe called for a stand mixer (which I don't have) but also said you could use a wooden spoon too. I ended up using a combination of a wooden spoon and my hands, which was sort of fun, squishing the butter into the dough. I was afraid it wouldn't rise, because this was really the first true bread I've made, but luckily it made it through. The next morning I pulled it out of the fridge and divided it into two, one part for the buns and one part for a loaf of brioche. The brioche part just went into a buttered loaf pan with an egg wash. The buns got a layer of butter and cinnamon sugar and then after being rolled up and sliced and were placed into the baking pan with the topping of honey, brown sugar, butter and pecans that I had made earlier.
I loved these sticky buns, they were so good. My husband said they were "dangerously good" which is completely true because the recipe (dough, topping and all) uses almost four whole sticks of butter. Tasty but not so healthy. I'll probably save this recipe for special occasions, not only for the butter issue but because it is rather time consuming.

Also the separate loaf of brioche I made was delicious, it has the consistency and flavor of croissants, very buttery and flaky but not too sweet. Wonderful with a smearing of apricot jam.
I'm already ready for next week's recipe of French Chocolate Brownies chosen by Di's Kitchen Notebook.

Herbs, a Symphony & Chicken

I got up extremely early yesterday morning and drove to Brighton to Anthony's Herb Festival. I went last year and it's a nice little place to go and buy herbs and plants and other random homemade things. I bought some onion chives, two different kinds of mint, two pepper plants, a spinach plant and a scented geranium. I also bought a bar of homemade lavender scented goat's milk soap (I even got to pet the goats) and a jar of homemade strawberry jam for Doug because he always complains we never have strawberry jam/jelly. My mom went too, she was going to work a shift in the Tipton County Master Gardeners tent, but she got there early so she could walk around and shop. The festival is at an actual farm and it's such a pretty piece of property, two houses and lots of barns and greenhouses. It's all beautifully landscaped too, if I lived on a farm I would want it to be this place.

I got home after the festival and started to cook because we had grand plans to go to the Sunset Symphony last night. The symphony is the final 'hurah' of the Memphis in May celebration. I was going to make a little picnic dinner for us to take and enjoy. Then about 3:30PM (while I was breading the chicken drumsticks) it started to get dark and the wind was blowing pretty hard. The heavens opened up and it poured. Luckily there were no tornado warnings or anything but I realized then we probably didn't want to go downtown to the symphony and sit on the muddy ground. So instead I made our picnic food and we stayed home and eat and watched two of the three Netflix movies we've had for at least two months. We saw "Who Killed the Electric Car?" and "The Business of Being Born" both really great, eye-opening documentaries.

I don't really have a recipe for the chicken or the pasta salad, but these are the ingredients and how I made them.

Oven Baked Chicken Drumsticks
6 drumsticks, rinsed with cold water and patted dry
1 3/4 c. panko breadcrumbs
1/2 c. whole milk or buttermilk
5 dashs of Tabasco sauce
2 tsp. cayenne pepper
4 tbsp. butter

Mix together milk and Tabasco sauce in large bowl, add drumsticks. Cover and marinate in the refrigerator for 1 hour.

Heat oven to 425F, line a baking sheet with two layers of aluminum foil, add butter and place the sheet in the warm oven just long enough to soften the butter. Mix together panko and pepper, remove drumsticks from milk marinade and roll in panko mixture. Shake off excess and lay on baking sheet. Bake the drumsticks for 20 minutes, then turn them over and place back in the oven for 20 more minutes.


Cleaning-Out-the Pantry/Freezer Pasta Salad
1/2 box of pasta shells (or any short round pasta)
1/2 bag frozen green peas
1/2 bag frozen broccoli florets
1/2 container Hormel Real Bacon Bits
1/2 envelope of Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing mix
1 small container sour cream

Steam or boil peas and broccoli florets together until tender. Drain and set aside in large bowl. Cook pasta until al dente, drain and mix together with peas and broccoli. In small bowl mix together sour cream and ranch dressing mix, add this to the pasta, pea and broccoli. Mix everything well and add the bacon bits. Serve chilled.

hope.

I’ve always thrown around the idea of getting a tattoo. It’s one of those things that you just *can’t* wait to do until your 18, like voting, getting a credit card, smoking, etc. I don’t think any of my friends have tattoos, nor does anyone in my family (except my brother). By the time I turned 18 I wasn’t really thinking about tattoos, but in the last several years I started thinking about getting one again. There were two things that concerned me though; one is that I wanted it to be something meaningful, something I would want to have on my body forever. Two is that I wanted it in a location I could see and that would have minimal sagging/wrinkling over the years to come.

At one point I thought about getting a bee tattoo, not like a cartoon bumble bee, but a more refined, Napoleonic era bee. But I could never find just the right example of one. Then last week I saw a blog with a typographical tattoo, which led me to scan through Flickr for more examples of text tattoos. I got the idea that I would get the word ‘hope’ tattooed on my foot. I thought that would be a nice, optimistic word to get that would help encourage me when I get down about our baby troubles. So I looked for a nice font for a few hours and then it dawned on me I should just draw it out in my own handwriting. So I got a tiny sketch pad and wrote the word out in a few different variations until I found the perfect one.

I called my brother, who just got his second tattoo, and asked him for a recommendation. He told me about the artist who did his, who went to high school with us. I made an appointment with her for this past Sunday and so on Sunday afternoon Doug, my brother and I went over to Trilogy on Highland. The tattoo artist, Jessie, was great. She did such an awesome job. She was able to use my own writing and it turned out exactly like I had pictured it. It really didn’t hurt either, just a few stings. I absolutely love it and I can see it every time I look down at my feet. It’s a really nice reminder that no matter how disheartening infertility can be there’s still hope.

First Farmer's Market visit of the season

The Memphis Farmer’s Market opened the first part of May but I hadn’t made it down there until this past Saturday morning. I just started walking at Shelby Farms with my friend Regina on Saturday mornings at 8:30AM and the market starts at 7:00AM. After going several times last year I found that if you go too late all the good stuff is gone, so I like going as early as possible. Anyway, I managed to get up at 6:30AM, through on some clothes and get downtown to the market by 7:15AM. Parking was a little difficult because the Memphis in May BBQ Cooking Contest was this weekend too but I was still able to find a spot. The market has gotten a lot more popular since last year. It’s still early in the season, but there were lettuces, spinach, radishes, strawberries, peas, squash blossoms plus homemade jams, breads, locally made goat cheeses, locally roasted coffee, local honey, handmade wood items, plants and herbs and fresh flowers.

Most of the vendors are really nice, knowledgeable and ready to offer you a sample of what they’re selling. I did kind of get ignored by one vendor because he was busy chatting up another customer on how he cooks the radishes he was buying. The vendor was nearly a dead on impression of Matthew Mcconaughey’s character in Dazed and Confused, lots of ‘hey man’s’ and ‘yeahs’ in that slow, slightly stoned-sounding voice.

I’ve also found that some of the people that come to shop at the Market can be rather rude. I
was in line to buy spinach and an older woman clutching a massive bouquet of flowers wandered in front of me and cut in line. I didn’t say anything because I figured she didn’t see me through her flowers. Then, as I’m standing in the same line, another older woman reached in front of me and grabbed the last bag of spinach. That pissed me off but again I didn’t say anything. I’m just not a confrontational kind of girl. But it was still rude. Luckily the very nice gentleman farmer who was selling the spinach had more in his cooler and I just had to wait a few minutes. I see those kind of older women a lot out in public though, most of them look pretty well off and I doubt they’re used to showing very much graciousness in public.

When I left I had bought a bottle of honey from PeaceBee, a container of Chive-Garlic goat cheese from Bonnie Blue Farm, a container of freshly picked strawberries from Jones Orchard, a container of sugar snap peas (can’t remember the name of the vendor), the bag of fresh spinach from The Gracious Gardener and a package of Pecan Brittle from another vendor who’s name escapes me.

For dinner Saturday night Doug and I picked up some pre-made Chicken Oscar from the Fresh Market, so we had that, the sugar snap peas and then I served the strawberries with mini-pound cakes (again from Fresh Market) and homemade whipped cream I made before dinner. The whipped cream is so good and requires almost no effort. I just dump a small container of heavy cream and about ¼ cup of super-fine sugar in my mixing bowl and beat it with a electric hand mixer for about 5 minutes, or until it gets stiff peaks. It’s great, much better than Cool Whip.

Yesterday (Sunday) I ate some of the Chive-Garlic Goat Cheese on Kashi crackers and it was really good. The only downside is afterwards I had some killer garlic breath.

Happy Belated Birthday to Me and Feeling Lucky

Monday (April 21) was my 27th birthday. I can't believe I'm 27. After high school graduation time seems to be passing by at warp speed. In a happy coincidence I was also off on my birthday because of Passover. I spent the day doing some flower shopping, knitting and just enjoying the gorgeous day. I even picked up some lunch at the grocery store and took it out to enjoy at a park in Germantown, where instead of 'people-watching' I 'duck & goose' watched. I got a free mocha frappe my my coffee shop since it was my birthday (score!) and Doug and I went to eat at Swanky's Taco Shop and then had birthday ice cream at Ben & Jerry's. It was a nice day.

Despite having a birthday on Monday I was in a funk most of last week, feeling sorry for myself about my infertility issues. Then I heard about high school friends of mine (sisters) who lost their father in a sudden accident. And then I heard this heartbreaking story and I couldn't stop crying about the unfairness of the world. That this woman died without getting to hold her daughter and this man was left without the love of his life. Then I didn't feel so sorry for myself anymore and the petty crap I'd been moping about seemed ridiculous. I felt lucky. I'm thinking about and saying little prayers for the people I know and don't know who are hurting.

Books

I love books. I've always loved them. When I was growing up the library was a place we walked to in the summer. I remember walking in there and being hit in the face immediately with the cool air and that library smell. Miss Boyd was the librarian for most of my childhood. She was what people used to refer to as an 'old maid.' She was probably in her early seventies when I was a child. She was the person who stamped the little card in your book and let you take it home with you. I read everything imaginable. Amelia Bedila, Jam for Frances, Richard Scarry, the Boxcar Children, Nancy Drew, Sweet Valley High, the Babysitter's Club and eventually as I got older Stephen King, Anne Rice, Lee Smith, Ellen Gilchrist and others. I always took a book with me everywhere I went. Even on the less than 10 minute drive from our house to Wal-Mart I had to take a book. I read books at lunch at school, in the car, in the bathtub, everywhere. I had dreams about having my own personal library in my house with book shelves stacked to the ceiling. I am lucky that my husband loves books like I do and came into our marriage with boxes and boxes of books from when he worked at a bookstore. Currently, I believe our book habit keeps Amazon in business. I'm constantly hearing about a book on NPR or reading about it in a magazine or on someone' blog. Which is how I ended up with a stack of fresh reading material that hasn't even been cracked yet. (Mainly due to my working non-stop on that Juliet sweater)

These are on my desk, waiting to be read:

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science & Sex by Mary Roach
The Book of Dahlia by Elisa Albert
The Sky Isn't Visible from Here by Felicia Sullivan
Boom: Voice of the Sixities by Tom Brokaw
How Sassy Changed My Life: A Love Letter to the Greatest Teen Magazine of All Time by Kara Jesella and Marisa Meltzer

I'm not really sure which one is going to win the battle for being read first, I can't decide because they all look so good. They taunt me every time I pass them on the desk.

Blog Neglect, A Sweater & Spring

I've kind of neglected posting recently but since I'm pretty sure this blog is only an exercise in self-indlugence I think it's okay.

I've been knitting a lot, so much that I've even neglected the STACK of new books I have on my desk. During March I cast on and completed my first 'sweater' although it's more of a cardigan than sweater. It knitted up pretty quickly and turned out rather adorable (at least I think so). There are a few minor mistakes, but hopefully no one else (except other knitters) will notice.

It's the 'Juliet' cardi from Zephyr Style. They have the best designs, I love all of them. After I finished this one I ordered these interchangeable circular needles from Knit Picks so I could cast on the 'Green Gable' pullover from Zephyr. It's going pretty quickly too. I'm really empowered by knitting clothing. I want to make clothes for myself and despite owning a sewing machine, fabric and patterns for 6 months I have yet to make anything.

The weather has really warmed up, we have a frost warning for tonight but I think it's the last one. The temp is supposed to be in the mid-70's by the end of the week. Lots of plants are coming up and I'm starting to plan and buy new things for the flower beds and garden. One of my favorite things is this tree ring of hosta's I did last year. This tree was surrounded by tons of crappy weeds, overgrown monkey grass and other junk, I spent two days digging it up last spring and then my mom gave me a ton of hosta's from her garden that I planted around the tree. And the stones were already there from a previous owner so the whole thing was free, save for the mulch. I love the bright green hostas. I can't remember the name of the variety but I think they are so nice.

We're still a long way from finished on landscaping but it's getting there. We're hoping to rent a tiller this weekend and till up the back location for the raised vegetable garden beds. My peas and tomatoes are ready to get in the ground, plus I have all my seeds from seed savers to plant.

The Office Martyr and Signs of Spring

Every office has one. The person who can't work enough. She (or He) doesn't take lunch breaks, they stay late, come in on the weekends, work when they're sick, all to get attention. I've known the office martyr before but never to the degree I have known now. I have a great job, its fun and I have a fabulous boss, really. I also have a co-worker whom I'll call The Pill. The Pill has been working at our company 3 more years than I have, yet she acts as though she's been there for 20 years. She's at work constantly, even when she doesn't have to be. She lets everyone in earshot know about her illnesses, her children's illnesses, personal family woes, how long she's gone without a day off, etc. I don't think she realizes there's a line between personal life and work life that shouldn't be crossed. She jumped over it a LONG time ago. She and I have butted heads since I started. She is a manipulative liar, gossiper, a whiner, a crier, a complainer and most importantly the office martyr. Did I mention she's in her 40's, and not her teens? Her appalling behavior constantly amazes me. What amazes me more is that no one in 'power' seems to want to do anything about it. They just let her act the way she does with no repercussions. I keep telling myself that she must be a truly miserable person and not happy in the least little bit to act the way she does. It's too bad she has to ruin my perfectly wonderful job.

In happier news, our yard is showing more signs of spring. The quince had starting blooming a couple of weeks ago and the narcissus's began blooming this past week. I cut a few before dinner and stuck them in a vase. So pretty. Daylight savings time starts next Sunday (the 9th) too. It'll be 75 degrees ago before we know it.

Sunday in Pictures

Reminder for the first task of the day












A very green salad for lunch









Budding Quince in the backyard









Peas sprouting









How Ed spent most of his day









How I spent a good portion of my day (knitting my Sophie Bag and listening to Lime n' Violet podcasts

Let it be me

Sometimes you get a song stuck in your head and you keep singing and you have to listen to it to me it go away. I've had "Let It Be Me" by the Indigo Girls in my head since last night. The song's about injustice but I was thinking about it because of the chorus "let it be me." We were at a baby shower last night for a very nice couple and going to baby showers when you are facing the possibility of never having your own baby is not easy. It's painful. Especially when you are the only woman in the room who hasn't been pregnant and you don't know if you ever will be. So many people don't understand. They try to be comforting, which I appreciate, but I've almost become bitter about it. I used to have hope but after IVF my hope has slowly disappeared. I don't really know what we're going to do at this point. IVF is so extremely expensive and I'm doubtful it would work a second time. For now I'm just going to try to focus my energies on other things and attempt to regain some of that hope I used to have.

Finished Objects

I've been intending to write this post for several weeks but hadn't gotten around to it until now and now I have more finished stuff for this year.

I present my first, second, third, fourth & fifth finished knitting objects of 2008:

Doug's Tahki Donegal Tweed Scarf in Black


My Pick Up Sticks Felted Bell Hat, made with Cascade 220 in a deep red. My first felted project. It was super easy and quick. Looooove this hat. Love it even more because I made it with my own two little hands.


Scarf for David, modeled by Doug. This was supposed to be a Christmas gift but I ran out of the yarn and Yarniverse didn't have anymore in one of the colors so I had to search for it online and then order and then wait for it to come in, so it was more like a 'first week of February present'.












Next, was my 'Super Bowl' scarf. Just one skein of Lamb's Pride Bulky knit in stockinette until I ran out of yarn.












And finally, Calorimetry from Knitty.com It's a buttoned headband, I think it's cute but several other people I showed it to didn't care for it very much. Which is fine because I didn't make it for them. Blah.

Now that those are finished I have the yarn and patterns for several more things. Socks, several simple tank tops, an empire-waisted sweater and a few bags. I'm currently working on a little felted bag, knit in the round. I'm hoping it goes quickly so I can move on to the sweater, it's so cute I'm anxious to knit it. I'm really hoping to get a lot more knit this year than I did last year. This month marks my 2 year 'knit-a-versary' (as well as my 4 year wedding anniversary).

In other news, I planted some radishes and some butterhead lettuce today and I started my seedlings for broccoli, tomatoes, sweet peas & eggplant. I'm really hoping to baby them so they don't die. My goal is to have an organic garden this summer. Our super awesome yard crew is coming at the end of the month to clean up the backyard (i.e., getting rid of all the junk plants, shrubs, crappy monkey grass from hell and the two 'killing sheds' in the back yard, YAY!) As soon as that's done Doug's going to make my raised garden beds and I'll be able to plant my seedlings (provided they live). I ordered all of them from Seed Savers, they're all organic, heirloom seeds.

Doug is getting ready to fly out to Sao Paulo, Brazil tomorrow afternoon for work. Luckily, he'll only be gone until Friday. I'm saying a little prayer it will go smoothly. Brazil is not the safest place in the world and he is not a good flier. He does get to go to a lot of very cool places, Amsterdam, Brussels, Singapore and now Brazil. Soo lucky. One day I'm going with him (except to Brazil, I'm not really big on Brazil right now but Amsterdam and Brussels are totally on my list).

Sunday Morning and Sunday Night

Sundays are bittersweet for me. I really enjoy the kind of lazy-feeling the day has but at the same time I'm kind of depressed that the weekend is almost over. Doug and I have a Sunday morning routine (most of the time). I'm almost always up by 7:00AM and then I browse the Commercial Appeal online before I go into the kitchen and start a pot of coffee. If Doug isn't awake by 8:00 I go pester him and ask when he's getting up. We like to watch CBS Sunday Morning and it starts at 8:00 so I try to get him up by then so I don't have to DVR it and wait until he gets up to watch it. This past Sunday I got the coffee going and set out our mugs, his is a Imus in the Morning one from the now defunct Don Imus MSNBC show and mine is a mug from 'A Prairie Home Companion'. Anyway, the sun looked so pretty coming in the kitchen I took a few pictures of it. Some weekend mornings I make elaborate breakfasts and other times we just eat oatmeal or cereal. This weekend we had leftover Blueberry-Banana Bread I had made a few days before. This recipe is here. (I omit the nuts & use 1/2 cup of whole wheat flour instead of all white)

I usually attempt my more 'complex' recipes. Things that require lots of prep work or extra steps. I made a simple quiche for dinner but for dessert I made Martha's Glazed Lemon Cakes with Meyer lemons. They were really, really, really good. They rival even the Molten Chocolate Cakes. Delicious, really. The zesting and juicing of 8 lemons did take some time though but it was well worth it because those cakes were so good. Completely unhealthy though.

Apricot Love

I've gotten on a recent apricot kick. I've always loved dried apriocts, as well as fresh apricots and apricot jam, and most recently Bonne Maman Apricot Preserves. Pure heaven. It's the first jam/jelly/preserve I've actually eaten out the jar with a spoon. Yum! Apricot jam is great with pork too. Two of my favorite pork recipes have apricot jam with them. This Martha recipe for Crispy Apricot Porkchops is a staple of my weeknight meal rotation. And this Martha recipe for Apricot-Glazed Pork Tenderloin is delicious too. I'm collecting several more apricot-themed recipes to try out soon. Including:

Luscious Apricot Squares

Apricot-Almond Cobbler

Oatmeal Apricot Cookies

Apricot-Dijon Glazed Chicken

Apricot Stuffed French Toast (apricot jam AND cream cheese!)